When asked about my religious beliefs I constantly claim that “my beliefs are fundamentally islamic in nature” but is this really so? I can’t remember the last time I actually prayed five times a day, covered my hair solely because I wanted to rather than because of convenience or on parental advisory. Which for me in the case of women are the core areas in which religion affects our daily lives. Ask me to convert however and I will ask you to go fuck yourself.
My religion is a dynamic one. My interpretation of it all (and it is a lot) is that God knows we are not perfect and being the best muslim in the world is simply not possible. There are things one can do to help their chances of going to heaven on the day of judgement such as praying, believing in God and so on. Which is now where the battle within starts. How can one devote almost ten mins of their lives everyday kneeling down and praying to a God that they have only been told exists but do not have any solid concrete proof? Especially in this modern-day and age where facts, figures and proof count for everything.
Personally, my belief in God is unailing. I love him and I am grateful for everything that he has done for me, and the people I have close to my heart. My issue basically is that being raised in a majority western way and then waiting until I’m old enough to really understand and have fundamental ideas about life to decide to change them to the traditional islamic ideas is simply: nonsense. Not that I think that the ideas are nonsense. I have a lot of respect for them it’s just that I am not ready to fully take on the commitment that it takes to live this certain lifestyle. I think so highly of them that I wouldn’t want to ridicule them by doing half-half, not to the standard that they require. When I am ready to take on the challenges of being a full-fledged Muslim I will do it as perfectly as i can. And I am completely confident that this day will come. What I mean is I feel so guilty walking around during the day covered from head to toe and then being fashionably dressed at night in western clothing looking like I’ve just stepped out of a vogue magazine. It goes back to one of my fundamental principles on how I intend to live my life “if you are going to do something, do it right.”
I maybe criticized for saying this out in the open or even worse for even having these thought of evil evil thoughts, but fact remains: these are my thoughts and I will put them where I bloody well want to. But more importantly I am puting this on here to be a constant reminder to myself, sort of like a public decleration because we know how important what the public thinks is to me. Most importantly, I know that God knows who I am inside and I am confident that he knows and understands my beliefs and thoughst on religon better then anyone ever good. I mean at the end of the day he is the one that created me.
After I wote my last post i kept on thinking about what exactly it is that makes the generation gap so wide between us and our parents. Besides our enthusiastic embrace for techonology what distinguishes us from our parents? What makes it so hard for them to get us and vice versa?
I’m sure there are many things that can be deemed responsible. But for me, with the situations i have witnessed from my friends and experienced myself we (generation x) are whores. Not whores only in the sense that we are more sexually liberated then the generations before us, but in the sense that we take everything to the extreme. In my defenition I believe that whores are people who enjoy sex so much that they decide to make a career out of it, most of them not all of them but thats a different story for a different day.
My main worry with the generation that I belong to is that we have no idea where to tow the line in some aspects of our lives. Mostly because we have no idea where that line is and what it is exactly that draws this line of morality. We have so many things that influence us whether we want them to or not and we dont even know it. Many generation xers will more often then not compare their moral obligations to their social circles. Using their most messed up friend as they’re “limit.” We are always like “as long as i dont get like so and so then i’m alright.” Everyone does it. This is one thing that difffers us from our predessors. Our parents and in some cases some of our older siblings draw their own moral lines from what they’re parents taught them as well as religon and what they pick from friends, family etc. With generation x we are either one or the other. We dont know how to combine all of the above and come out decent normal people. Some of us do, but these are in most cases the rare exceptions.
The question is that has got me going round in circles is why? Why is that if any typical generation exer was sent back in time we would be social outcasts? Why is it so hard for us to stick so strongly by our morals? Is it the things we are experiencing in a time where losing a phone is a bigger deal then losing your virginity? Is it the fact that some of blatantly refuse to see the wisdom and intelligence that our parents tell us?
Its not all bad, you have the angels. Who dont engage in any the taboo, go their place of worship on a regular basis and view their parents in the highest regard. But most generation exers will openly tell you that these people are not normal and we dont want to be like them. Even these “angels” will often have secret desires to be bit more livid if their moral compases would allow them.
The main point of my rambling about how our generation is full of whores who have very loose morals and in some cases no morals at all is that we need to stop caring so much about what other people think of us. Whether it is our parents, our friends, people we look up to, whoever and draw our own lines of morality. Decide for ourselves who we would like to be.
Firstly, I am so sorry for not keeping my promise to blog on a regular basis. I’m not really apologizing to you people but more so to myself. I made a commitment when i started this blog, and i failed so miserably. But none the matter, I have forgiven myself, i am now extremly motivated and we are swiftly moving forward!!
Due to recent events, I have a new found respect and love for my parents. Not just mine, but parents all over the world. Not the shit parents who dont care about their children but the legit parents who actually care. As young people we often take our parents for granted, we dont value everything that they do for us. I’m not just talking about paying the rent, putting food in our tummys; which is already already above and beyond – i’m talking about all the countless life lessons that we learn from our parents. To say that we wouldnt be who we are today without them should seriously go down in the history books as the understatement of the century.
These “recent events” i speak of i cannot necessarily disclose to you, because they are not mine to share but it involves someone very close to me fighting with a parent over very trivial trivial things. I have obviously taken the side of the person close to me even though I cannot help but symathise with the parent. She is scared. She doesnt want her child to go through the same things she went through because she wants her child to have a bettter life then she did. I think this is one of the most important driving factors of being a parent. The thing is, with the age gap between people of my age and our parents is that the age gap is often so wide and during that age gap the world has changed so much. This is something that some parents can just not understand. They refuse to understand. Its not something they can be blamed for though, they just cant help the way they think. The same way we cant help the way we are constantly questioning our parents; even subconciously – because of the way we were raised.
What we have to try and do is somehow find a balance between their worlds and ours and meet there for coffee once a week. Whether we want to admit it or not we are our parents, they’re very blood runs through us. I think this is what scares them so much. They are afraid that if they knew what we knew and were in our situations they would probably be tempted to do what we do which is not always the right thing. I.e Through the looking glass.We must appreciate our parents, this is something that they go through everyday.
I’ll conclude by saying that I am not having kids, its just too much of a mind fuck. Plus little me’s running around would be such an obimination to this earth.