Musings of A Single Girl in A Relationship: Love is Simple

“I want painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love.”

Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington “Scandal”)

The most important thing that I’ve learnt from being in a healthy relationship is that this quote right here, is a big fat lie. Love is simple. At the end of the day, it is only a four letter word. You can still have the I-missed-you-all-day-even-though-I-saw-you-in-the-morning kind of sex, the passionate-wild-animal sex, and yet still the I-love-you-more-than-anything in the world sex. But it’s not just about the sex; it’s also about the emotions. Who in this world honestly enjoys things that are difficult, or devastating, or painful?? Who in this world wants to be angry, upset and depressed all the time because of the one that they love? Isn’t that completely contradictory to everything love stands for??

I don’t dispute that “devastating love” does exist, as I have firsthand experience.  This allows me to confidently say, that this love never lasts. One person cannot live through those negative feelings continuously. It’s just not humanly possible. In addition this love is often just a figment of our imagination. Despite all of the negative feelings that someone will go through during this devastating love, they will hold on as long as they can because they believe eventually it will amount for something. The sad truth is, once you go through all those negative emotions that something that you are hoping and praying for never comes. The negative emotions become part and parcel of the relationship. Who would want to be in a relationship with a black shadow cast on it? It just doesn’t make sense.

Love is simple in the sense that the person you love should be your best friend. They should be the person you run to in times of need; the first person you want to share good news with, love should not be complicated. Real love, is exactly that it’s real. It happens every day. It’s holding hands at the supermarket, spending a quiet night in watching a movie, crying on the phone about how big of an asshole your boss is. It’s not crying on the phone to your girlfriends about how big of a dick your boyfriend is, or waiting for him outside his place to see if he’s coming home with another girl, or going through his messages to see if he’s cheating.

Love is life-changing true because your life isn’t the same once that person cements themselves as a pillar of positivity in your life. They change the way you think, the way you act. Unintentionally, but still, you want to be the person you think is worthy of their love. That makes sense.

Love is life-changing, love is simple.



5 thoughts on “Musings of A Single Girl in A Relationship: Love is Simple

  1. I actually very much relate to the quote. I have not been in a romantic relationship now since 2009, however the relationships I was in, were all long term. 8 Years, 6 years and 2 years. They had their good moments and they also had their not so good moments. One of them was with an alcoholic and that was one of the most personally beneficial relationships for me personally, because through all the struggles (and OH BOY there were struggles) I learnt so much about myself and about conflict/resolution in general.

    In my experience, relationships almost always provide a level of challenge. It does not always have to be negative challenge, but whenever we change, and grow and learn, we almost always experience some level of discomfort. To met that is something that naturally happens. I revel in those feelings, because I see it as a sure sign I am reaching outside of my comfort zone. So I guess it is the way you think about challenge too – that determines your experience.

    I also think there are those people in the world who do want to experience pain in their relationships, for whatever reason. Co dependency perhaps?

    Some people crave being moved and affected. I myself love that feeling. I don’t expect for things to be easy all the time. I expect that they will get easier, as you learn t work together in your relationship, and then of course, something else will pop up, and you can master that.

    Great blog, beautifully written. I do appreciate your view, though in my mind. Romantic love is never simple.

      • I can acknowledge that is your truth. I feel differently and my truth is obviously different than yours. I don’t see either as wrong or right, but more a reflection of how our unique experiences make us diverse. Something to be celebrated I think. It’s been wonderful to meet you and have the opportunity to consider your perceptions. Thanks so much

      • You’re so welcome.. *beaming smiles* I love meeting people who think differently than I do, and see it as an opportunity to be introduced to new experiences and learn heaps of new stuff!

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