Musings of A Single Girl In A Relationship: Healing From Heartbreak

People know I’m in a serious relationship and after my last post (http://wp.me/p2dJgI-42), many asked why? Why the tittle? The boyfriend didn’t though. 

Should I be worried??

Anyway…

The reason behind this title is because of the fact that for so long due to long list of reasons I was always looking for that something better. When this relationship became serious, I held on to some of my characteristics that defined me as a singleton. That is mainly that I am still my own independent person and that under ZERO circumstances should I let my relationship define me or any other aspect of my life. This is a major mistake that people make when entering into a serious relationship; I am totally guilty of this in my past….whatever that was. I personally now believe there should be a fine line between loving someone or making them a priority and loving said person more than yourself or making them your whole life.

But I digress….

After going through all the pain of giving yourself to another human being so completely especially for the first time and having all of that returned to sender with a big fat label “worthless” on top of it, how do you get from there to where I am now?

After I finally accepted that it was over I put myself out there! I was ready to give any guy who has interested five minutes of my time hoping, secretly praying that this one or the next one would somehow heel me and make all the pain from that worthless label disappear. I was that girl who was at every party, every social event always with a drink in my hand; hoping to seem approachable enough to attract someone who might be the cure to all my hurt.

MAJOR FAIL!!!

Because of this new “attitude” that I had adopted I ended up doing one or two things that I regretted; I end up letting in some more assholes that were not interested in healing anything and were simply looking for a quick lay; I ended up leading genuinely interested good guys on (the worst thing a woman can ever do!). The problem was that I was trying to replace this person who had hurt me with someone else. The truth is once you truly love someone that person is irreplaceable. They take a piece of you with them when they leave. Imagine yourself as a big cake. Imagine this person cuts a piece and takes off. You can’t go find another bakery to reinstate that piece. It’s gone.

This is why people are always comparing their current relationships to their former ones. Fact is they will never be the same. When you’ve experienced so many things with one person, shared so many memories you cannot expect someone new to even attempt to compete with that the minute you start dating.

But there is a positive side! 🙂 

You now consciously know that when you are with one person and you are still thinking about someone else or comparing the two, you are not quite there yet. Once I realized that I will never be able to replace this person I stopped trying. I started using my head when it came to deciding who I should or should not go on a date with. I started differentiating those who had a genuine interest in me and those who had a genuine interest in the sacred temple that is between my legs. And from there I was easily able to tell who was the right person to make myself vulnerable to and when.

That is how I am, where I am in my relationship.

Clap for me! I didn’t use Scandal to make a point!! 

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