This Is Me – A Whole Bunch of Feelings

I often speak about being vulnerable and the beauty of it. How no one can really hurt you when you allow yourself to be vulnerable because you’ve already put all your cards on the table, on your terms. At that point because you’ve already given all you can give, no one can take anything away from you.

I often speak of it, but when it comes to my own little reality I seldom practice it. One of my biggest fears is letting people I care about a lot, people I admire look down at me. This has lead to me keeping so much locked up inside which then leads to me having random inappropriate out bursts. It’s a well known fact how I don’t think before I speak, but these days when it comes to people I care about sometimes it’s difficult for me to comprehend the words that are coming out of my mouth.

It’s because I care so much about what these people think, and I don’t want to upset them. I wouldn’t dare. This again is as a result of the fact that in the past in situations where I have let myself be vulnerable this has lead to the people I imagined “cared” about me becoming less and less active in my life.

What I’m learning about in this current stage in my life it takes great strength to allow yourself to be vulnerable, but it doesn’t end there. You have to partner it with restraint and communication. Just because you have just dumped a bunch of feelings on someone doesn’t allow you to be irrational about their response; people are different, some require more time to process while others don’t. Another thing that can affect how someone responds is the way and the time you tell them. You have to restrain yourself from saying or doing things that will make you vulnerable while someone has other shit going on, timing is everything. Lastly communication. With being vulnerable you have to let whoever know what your expectations are so that you don’t get disappointed and crash your car into a tree over-thinking shit.

I still believe that with vulnerability comes beauty but I’m learning that you need to add a bit of make-up before it can be perfect. 

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