Friendship Is Unconditional

BULLSHIT!!

Just because we’ve been friends for so long doesn’t give you the right to walk all over me and talk to me the way you want. Or worst still, completely take me for granted.

Yes I know we’ve grown up together, been through things that we thought would bind us together, but I can’t do this anymore. My self-respect will not allow it. I can’t love you unconditionally when it makes me question how much I love myself. We’re not even dating! Yet somehow you manage to evoke these thoughts in my mind.

And that’s not what friendship is supposed to be. It’s not supposed to be one-sided, it’s not supposed to continuously confrontational. If we have a problem we should talk about it, sort it.

Like any relationship of any kind, friendship is supposed to be give and take. For me to benefit from whatever this thing is you need to make me feel needed and I need to feel that I need you. Recently It has been the former, and I just can’t do it anymore. Whenever we are talking, it is because and about whatever you are going through. Where is the girl that held my hand as I walked away from my first love? Where is the girl who taught me that I need to stand up for myself? Where did she go? I even find myself asking what would she do with you if she was in my position.

I have fought and fought through all your layers to try and get the girl that I’ve always known back, but as hard as it is to admit it’s honestly like she has vanished into thin air. We’re just not “clicking” anymore. Anything I do to help you is wrong, even when it is what you had wanted. Have we both changed that much?

I know what you’re going through, a part of me understands. But that doesn’t allow you to treat me the way he does. That doesn’t allow you to make your problems a priority over mine. When you ask me “How are you?” how do you expect me to answer honestly when I know you don’t care?

I won’t give up, I’ll forever hope that the girl you once were comes back. I won’t give up hope. But I will give up constantly making you a priority when I’m nothing more than a punching bag, especially when the shadow of what you were is miles away. 

My Heart Is Breaking

The leader s of this country are breaking my heart.

Honestly. Once the constitution was promulgated, I like many Kenyans and supporters of Kenya and people who have interests in this country I thought to myself “FINALLY” we’re going to have some much needed change in this country.  But three years on even after the greatly anticipated elections, nothing has changed. My feelings on the matter go beyond disappointment and anger, I am heartbroken.

I understand that this is a new dispensation and progress has got to be slow but this is simply not good enough. I have outlined in my opinion that the major issues that the country is facing. Firstly there are these battles that are going on all over the country which sees different leaders battling for supremacy. Secondly there is the matter of the MP’s pay, thirdly there is the matter of the resistance against all of these things that the citizens have put forward and lastly there are is our President and Deputy President successfully lobbying the AU in an attempt to bring the case against them home.

After years of authoritarian and tyrannical style of governance that we experienced under Jomo Kenyatta and Moi and the fight that activists including prominent people such as Willy Mutunga, Maina Kiai, Reverend Njoya just to name a few on behalf of citizens who fought tooth and nail for the constitution only to have it completely mutilated by our “leaders.” Now that devolution is being implemented does it really matter who has more power over whom? Seriously, these people are behaving like children on the playground trying to get control over the most toys. At the end of the day the most important thing is getting the work done. So why not hold hands work together and make sure the work gets done. Look at the police, the whole country is having problems of insecurity because of the inner wrangling. These silly old men need to realize that the lives of people in Bungoma, Busia, and Mandera etc are more important than who has more power than whom. I am not even going to touch the supremacy battle between the house Senate and Parliament. It again is foolish and stupid! Work towards the development of your constituencies and stop being so insensitive to the needs of the people that elected you.

I am so ashamed of our elected representatives in the Parliament. Honestly ashamed. They are being very egotistic in their way of thinking. Just plain ignorant. First they have completely ignored all their benefits and allowances that they are already being afforded. Personally I think that the reason they want these increments is because of what their predecessors had. They can live so comfortably off what they are entitled to. Plus I have watched those parliamentarians sitting and debating and most of the time the empty chairs are a lot more than the full ones, unless the house is debating their own increments of course. They have gone even further defiling the clause in the constitution that is concerned with recalling them, making it almost impossible for citizens to take them back. It’s just sad, they have taken away virtually all our rights.

To Boniface Mwangi and his team that have protested against these Parliamentarians by taking Pigs to the street, I applaud you. However this is counterproductive. The constitution that was made by the people, for the people has a clause that allows it to be amended. Mr. Mwangi, I beseech you to turn your attention to articles 255 – 257 of the constitution. Rally your supports to go out and campaign for the amendment of article 104 which the parliamentarians have mutilated. Clearly chanting and having bloody pigs on the street outside parliament is not going to change these people’s mind. They are claiming to go by the book so let’s fight them in their arena and win!! I’m sure millions of people watched and heard those protests and support them but because we have to go to work and make a living we simple don’t have time to spend the whole day there. Plus if we get arrested who will feed our families will we languish in jail or struggle with legal fees? If at least three people are assigned at the protest to get people to sign a petition advocating for amending that clause, I think these Politicians will get a shock of their life and our rights will be restored. At the end of the day they are supposed to work for us, not towards lining their pockets.

Lastly in my opinion our President and Deputy President are not helping the situation. They again are also being counterproductive. The MP’s knew how much they were going to make when they campaigned, the same way the President and his co-accused new that they would have to deal with the ICC. Them trying to use shuttle the African Union in an effort to get these cases brought home is a waste of time and money (Did someone say 24million??). I agree that our President should be acquitted as that would benefit the country but as he said as he was campaigning he is ready to fight the charges. So fight them then!! Don’t try and have them removed. Don’t forget about the thousands of IDP’s who are still living in camps, who were raped, who lost their livelihoods, their land who need justice. They need to see a conscious effort being made to achieve that justice. It’s completely impossible for a tribunal to be set up to prosecute a president of those citizens who will preside over that tribunal. It just doesn’t make sense.

Please everyone who I have mentioned, stop breaking my heart.

 

I love You Because…

You calm me.

Of the way you make the wrong thing sound like the right thing.

You’re really good at doing that bad thing.

You listen to the most random music!!!

Your smile makes all my problems go away.

Of all the shit you say when you’re drunk.

Of that face you make when you are about to kiss me.

You believe in me.

You have never given me a reason to doubt you.

Of how magical your hugs are.

You make the effort to get to know my family.

You are consistent.

What is important to me is important to you.

You are patient.

You are perfectly imperfect.

Of the way you look after your friends.

Of the way you get excited at the cutest things.

You entertain me.

I like the person I am when we’re together.

You are who you are.

Cheers to the only picture there is of us together.

Cheers to the only picture there is of us together.

Polygamy – The Good

It’s a common known fact by those who are close to me that I have a deep obsession with Lion king and more specifically Lions, today I discovered that the reason I am obsessed with Lions is because in a sub conscious way, it symbolizes polygamy in my mind. As I had this epiphany and shared it with the people around me many of them shuddered at the thought of being in my “situation.” What amazed me about this revelation is that I have always been against Polygamy and now making the positive connection between my family living and that of my obsessions with lions showed me that I am not really against this family setting at all.

To give those who don’t know or don’t understand how polygamy works it is where one man has more than one wife, in my situation which is governed by the law of Islam a man is given the limitation of up to four wives. My father has had seven wives in his lifetime but never more than four at the same time and currently is remaining with two. He has a program, he visits each house every single day and rotates the houses in which he sleeps and eats dinner in. I have a step mother and half siblings that are all important factions of my life, just as important as my “blood siblings.”

Why I was previously against this family setting I haven’t properly analysed and gotten to the root but what seems the most probable reason is the fact that I would see the way my colleagues live and often feel that “something was missing.” Seeing them, hearing them talk about having dinner every single night with their fathers made me feel that this was the way it was supposed to be and the way I had it was “abnormal.” Going even deeper into the root of my previous inclinations on the matter was the reaction I received once I shared this fact with other people. “How can you share your father?” “Do fight with your step siblings?” “Does your father love one wife more than he loves the other?”  “Do your mothers fight?” Partnered with looks of either disgust or pity these are the reactions and questions that I have encountered my whole life.

To say that living in a polygamous family doesn’t come without its challenges is a plain lie, but then again which family setting even the most “conventional” ones don’t come with challenges? I say that the conventional setting of one wife and one husband has its challenges because of the fact that although we would like to believe that finding a happy ending is only a matter of time after you’ve gotten married it is never that simple. Sharing your whole and complete life with another human being is no easy task even if you love this person and this person is your reason for living. The same problems that plague polygamous families of such as managing expenses, boredom, frustrations, in-laws, exes etc are all relevant in the lives of those who have conventional families.

The question that disturbs many people about this situation is that of why should a man have more than one wife be acceptable while a woman having more than one husband is not acceptable. For me it is simple a man is better placed to manage the situation better than a woman; that is, emotionally, sexually, economically and physically. Furthermore men majority of the time even those who are “faithfully” married normally -especially in this ever growing immoral society- have a mistress in a dark corner somewhere. Doesn’t it make sense to the wife to be open to her husband making it more official? So as to avoid the sleepless nights knowing where he is and questioning where a chunk of his salary went to? It makes sense to me.

What resonates with me in relation to the lions and the polygamous family is that the fundamentals are exactly the same. The lion, the head of the pride is no different from my father in their roles of leading the family and ensuring that everyone is taken care of. The lionesses that look after their head of the pack his offspring are no different from my step mother and my mother in their strength. I think this is where my love for lions comes from. My mothers do suffer sharing their husband as this is the way that females were built as well as the influence that society plays, this is an obvious fact but they are brave in letting their husbands openly share his life with another woman. For this reason I admire them more than mere words will ever be able to express. The lionesses look after cubs that are not their own as their own the same way my mothers do.

As with every kind of marriage it can only work if the people engaged in that marriage are in agreement about things and have a general understanding about how things are going to work. Marriage is a choice, so is polygamy. It’s that simple. People often ask me having been raised in this situation whether I would permit my husband to marry a second wife or to be married as a second wife? If a clear set of rules was set up as to how the whole thing would work the way it is with the lions, I can’t say that I would completely be opposed to the idea as I have witnessed the benefits. Let me be clear, this is very different from having a boyfriend that has more than one girlfriend let us be sure. So Macharia, do not get any funny ideas. 

Kenya is in Danger!! – Part 2

Dear Mr. Raila,

I will start my letter by openly saying that I am not even going to address your “running mate” Kalonzo. This is a marriage of convenience and acknowledging it, which I refuse to do because it’s just plain silly. You may argue that this is the only way you would have a chance against the fugitives named in my former letter but look at Martha Karua!! She’s going at it alone and even though she may not necessarily have my vote yet, she has my respect which is a lot more than any other candidate at this point.

It is no secret how inconsistent you are. Time and time again you have said one thing in the spotlight of the media yet the very next day while the news is still being replayed you come out with a statement that completely contradicts what you said barely a few hours ago! You need to have motives, objectives and goals as a leader. You can’t be jumping from ship to ship all the time that will leave the country completely unstable. We can see from your history in the past five years that you are always the one to come out shooting and accusing people when something such as a bomb blast happens, but as the highest authority you need to be calm and collected. Let there be investigations and let those investigations be conclusive before you can start pointing fingers. Basically, just think before you speak or at least employ someone to do it for you. You need to stop this behaviour of shooting first and then aiming later; it is not good for the country.

For people who have not studied your political history and your general character it would be difficult to tell how hard you are shaking in your boots at this Uhuru –Ruto coalition. You don’t have the same zeal and charisma that you had 5 years ago. That is understandable but you cannot be so desperate to start campaigning alongside known thugs. Seriously? Mungiki leaders? Just get serious. Have you forgotten all those people who lost their lives as a result of these people? Do you think those people are going to vote for you? Or are you planning to get your new best friends to go and beat your vote into them? We need a leader that will remain confident and sure about what they are doing to take over this country. Clearly, you are just not there yet. So just spare us the trouble and make room for candidates who are ready to lead the country.

As the saying goes, you are your friends. But baba, who are your friends? I was truly shocked when I saw the news that Mudavadi had left you. I thought you guys were BOYS!! But clearly this was just another marriage of convenience. Even Miguna, though with his faults stood by you for a very long time but where is he now? The list goes on from Balala to Ngilu, they have all deserted you. So if we have no clue who your friends are how can we know who you are? They have made it clear that their main reason for leaving was your iron fist tolerance on the party, it got so bad that they just had to leave. We had Moi brutally run this country for more than 20 years are you going to do the same thing to us? With your dictatorship qualities? Agreed Kenya needs a firm leader not a dictator who is never really sure what to do with themselves. Kenya needs democracy, this means allowing opposition and sometimes even competition. What will happen to people like me who oppose your rule? Are you going to open your own Nyayo house and shove me in there for opposing you? Or am I going to have to flee to country in exile? Tell me, I want to know.

We know you are the Prime Minister of Kenya but this does not mean you have to constantly announce it and show it off in our faces. Are you aware that the current British Prime Minister travelled to his own inauguration in a bicycle? And no, it was not gold plated. Every single month I pay taxes so grudge idly because I can’t help thinking this is going to pay for the Prime Minister’s new other other Benz, while people are starving in his very own constituency of Langata. Have some humanity, even a bit and feel for these people before you go importing a truckload of hummers. I witnessed this myself at my late uncle’s funeral. Right in the middle of his granddaughter making a heart warming speech about her uncle you walk in late, approach the casket and start saying your prayers. As much as you want to show that you are in touch with God you have to realize that there are other people grieving and you are interrupting that process. Further still you insisted that the wife of the deceased move from the chair she was sitting so that everyone could see you, front and centre, which of course meant that your entourage had to surround you and everyone else had to move, including a not too excited me. This extravagance is not good for the nation.

If you really have the best interests of the country then I beg you, look inside yourself and just accept that you are not a progressive thinker, and do not contest the presidency in the upcoming elections.

Kenya is in Danger!! – Part 1

Dear Mr. Ruto/Mr. Kenyatta,

Firstly can you believe that the word “Kenyatta” is actually recognized on my spell check? Yet mine is not? I actually had to add my own name into the dictionary. What nonsense is this? My computer must be programmed this way just to piss me off, and I can’t lie its worked.

But on to more serious matters, what are you two idiots thinking running for President and Vice President when you have been indicted by the International Criminal Court? I cannot see the logic behind this decision at all!! Like just, really? Granted you may be innocent but do you realize what this could mean for the country as a whole if you got elected? Firstly and most importantly, the beautiful Kenyan country would be labeled a failed state simply for the fact that we have common fugitives “leading” (read embezzling from) our country. The consequences of this would affect everyone from the common lady who sells mangoes on the street to the children of your friends who have been sent abroad to gain an education, consume foreign alcohol, and impregnate foreigners. This is mainly because travel restrictions would be placed on our citizens as well as economic sanctions. So that woman who sells mangoes down the road will have to lower her prices because there is no more exportation meaning the demand for her mangoes will go down, how is she supposed to pay for kerosene to cook ugali with if she is forced to sell her mangoes at throw away prices?

Secondly, if you two buffoons are elected who is going to run the country as you are being tried at the court? You are running together and in accordance with the constitution in the situation that the President is absent the Vice President takes over, you both will be gone or do you not realize that? Or do you just not plan to show up? Again this goes back to economic sanctions, extremely limited foreign aid and very strict travel embargoes on the country as a whole. What will those who cannot afford the lavish lifestyles that you two live cope with the definite results of a raised inflation? Just go ask that other dimwit Omar Bashir that he is dealing with or rather pretending to deal with.

What happens if the United Nations pulls out of Kenya??? Do you know how many employment opportunities that the United Nations provides for Kenyans?? Do you realize how many industrial sectors would be affected if they pulled out? Tourism would suffer as a result of the decreased number of conferences in the country, employment would go down, Nairobi’s housing and retail markets that cater for UN staff would virtually collapse over night! Do you have a plan to reimburse all these people who would suffer because the two of you cannot see the greater good in simply not contesting until you are proven innocent?

Lastly it is a lose-lose situation. In a nutshell if you win and attend your trial you will never be around to actually run the country which again would lead to anarchy, and if you don’t attend your trial the country will be isolated internationally – what will Sudan give you?? Even Uganda will tell you live “those are your own!!”

If you really have the interests of the country at heart just focus on your cases and let the country be lead by qualified human beings.

Being Guarded – The New Black?

In my last post I mentioned that to be in a successful relationship you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Although I have often reiterated that vulnerability is beautiful, this is a lot easier said then done. Being vulnerable is basically cutting out your heart, giving it to someone else and hoping for the best. You can get shit like most people do. Or you can get a diamond in the rough who “makes you believe in love again.”

If you’ve been through the first scenario where you love someone and the take your feelings put them in an oven, bake them to get them all nice and crisp, and then stomp on top of them to break them into tiny little pieces and then just for fun throw what’s left in the dustbin. Obviously after going through this horrendous ordeal it makes it difficult to even attempt to do it all over again. Anyone who knows what I’m talking about knows at this point you are angry with the world and you just want to take it out on everybody. So you start whoring yourself out and hoping that this is somehow going to make everything better. But obviously it doesn’t. It only makes you feel worse about yourself. And then you get even more bitter and angry with the world. Tough times.

After realizing your horrible strategy is not working you stop all this foolishness and start behaving in a way that your mother would be proud of. Only to meet some idiot (Read Macharia Maruvu) who just arrives in your life all perfect and polite, with all this genuine caring for you and shit. To make matters worse this idiot is hell bent on making you fall in love with him which could potentially start the process all over again. The most rational thing to do is to protect yourself from this different kind of evil. I mean how are you supposed to know that this idiot is different from the previous one and in some cases the one before that? At this point even admitting to yourself that you have feelings for this twat is beyond impossible!! Like just, how can this even be happening? Especially in these sad times when having three different girls or even guys in one weekend is considered admirable. Getting over this fear can take a lot more time then you think. Even once you’re in the relationship it takes a whole lot of courage to get over the fear of risking getting your heart broken all over again. Not necessarily for everyone goes through this, but I did. Luckily my stupid idiot hung around long enough for me to try again and I am the happiest I have ever been.

So for those who are walking around in all black i beseech you to forget the fashion craze going around, put on that bright pink dress (or shirt for men) and hope for the best!! As cliche as it sounds you have to just try!! After all you have been through it before so why not give it another try? Plus this time you know you have first experience so you’ll see the bad signs and you’ll know when to move in the opposite direction. How are you supposed to find a Macharia Maruvu when you don’t try?